Still In Love With My Ex

I know. I know. I know. Yet, I can do nothing about it. It isn't a screaming desire or craving, but when I see my ex I still feel a lot of love for him. I even still lust after him, but also want to be with him in a partnered way. We broke apart due to my assignment to Washington DC in 2005, and kept up communication. He found another lover a year later, but still said he had feelings for me. Well, I guess we never truly stop caring for anyone who was an integral part of our lives, right?

I recently moved back to Norfolk, Va and we met up a couple of times. Each time I kept wishing he was still with me.

I know the facts already:

1. I was the one who left.

2. I should have no expectations from him since he is in another relationship.

3. I should let it go and find someone else.But the heart is a thing that doesn't understand logic.

It just feels. After 3 1/2 years, why do I still have such strong feelings for this handsome bastard!!!???

REMINISCE

I don't know why cigars have always caught my attention. Even as a kid, the smell of a stogie was unique and a turn-on for me. The aroma of a good quality cigar is more than a smell. It has a masculine heaviness to it that evoked images of burly, bearded, moustached men. I distinctly remember a high school coach/teacher who also taught the metal and woodwork class. Back in the 70's and 80's, we didn't have all the political correctness that is all over the world now. That coach used to smoke cigars when we were inside the shop or running track. He always wore these skin tight jeans with cowboy boots and I would have a boner the entire time he was around. All of my adolescent fantasies revolved around him taking me into his office, smoking one of his cigars, and turning me into a real man. I still think of him as my first fantasy cigar daddy. Ahhhh, it's so nice to reminisce.

A New Beginning

After 20 years in the service, I can now live my life with a little more freedom. It isn't the easiest thing to keep your sexuality in the closet for that long. Others may suspect, but it is a testament to patience and willpower to protect that fact for years. Well it is finally over and I just don't have the fortitude to keep doing that. I'm not the type of guy that is going to go shouting to the world he is gay and all be damned. I just don't care what anyone thinks about it anymore. I have no intentions of outing myself at a civilian job or just walking on the street, but I no longer feel the steel clamps shutting on that door if the question comes up.